23 March 2007

The Blessed Curse

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes
And make them fit

Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt
And make it clean, clean

Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul
And make it sing

Yahweh, Yahweh Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh Still I’m waiting for the dawn

Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don’t make a fist

Take this mouth
So quick to criticise
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss

Yahweh, Yahweh Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh Still I’m waiting for the dawn

Still waiting for the dawn, the sun is coming up
The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now Why the dark before the dawn?

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will

What no man can own, no man can take

Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

When "How to Disassemble an Atomic Bomb" came out a couple years ago, it became the soundtrack of my life. I listened to it over, and over, and over again. Each of the songs captivated me in a different way. When I hear Bono sing "freedom has a scent like the top of a new born baby's head," I can smell Alex's new born head. During Lent that year, "sometimes you can't make it on your own" was the focus of my disciplines. The album seemed to go back to U2's roots and at the same time had a maturity of lessons learned along the way.

One day, as I was listening to Yahweh in the car, I had an AHA! moment. I then knew what I would give Lexi for her baby shower. Mind you, Lexi wasn't pregnant at the time.

None the less, I got out my pen and ink and started practicing the Uncial Hand. The Uncial Hand is based on the calligraphy in the Book of Kells. It is more difficult than some of the other hands because you hold your nib at zero degrees (horizontally), most of the time. Most of the other hands use a 30 or 45 degree angle which seems more natural.

I chose red paper and black ink, the colours of the album cover. I wanted it to convey both an ancient and modern feeling at the same time. I wanted it to convey the paradoxical connection between pain and hope. I wanted it convey the paradoxical connection between the curse and the coming of the Kingdom.

Genesis 1:26 Then God said, "Let us make humankind in our own image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."

You can image the background conversation before verse 27 begins.

satan: They're going to sin, you know.
God: I know.
satan: They're going to use their dominion to ruin the world you've been making.
God: I know, but I love them. They are not even created yet. I know they are going to sin. I still love them.
satan: What a waste of time.
God: I am going to create them. They are going to sin. I will use their sin as a opportunity to show them how much I love them.

Romans 5:20-21
20. But law came in, with the result that the trespass multiplied; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,
21. so that, just as sin exercised dominion in death, so grace might also exercise dominion through justification leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

The pain of childbirth is a part of the curse of sin. Adam and Eve are expelled from the garden of Eden. Adam's curse is that the ground will bear food only under protest and he will labor hard to scrape out a living. Eve's curse is pain in childbirth.
God gives us a curse that reinforces his great gift of love to us.
When Jason finishes his Ph.D. he will have a lot of joy because his labor has not been in vain. He will not discount his work as nothing. The struggles involved will intensify the joy.

John 16:20-22
20. Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will have pain, but your pain will turn into joy.
21. When a woman is in labor, she has pain, because her hour has come. But when her child is born, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy of having brought a human being into the world.
22. So you have pain now; but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.

Jesus is speaking about a wonderful thing, childbirth amnesia. Any woman who has had a baby can tell you, in minute detail about her pregnancy and the birth of her child. A mother remembers everything. However, you will find that she tells you the details in an aloof manner, as if all this pain and struggle happened to someone else. She remembers vaguely. She is unable to tap into the emotional memory.
Jesus is speaking about a wonderful thing, his resurrection, and ultimately, ours. The Disciples pain turns to joy and wonder at the resurrection. And yet the signs of Jesus' death remain on his body. There are wounds on his hands, feet, and side for Thomas to touch and believe. The vague memory of Jesus' death intensifies the joy.

Romans 8:18-28
18. I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us.
19. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God;
20. for the creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope
21. that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.
22. We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now; 23. and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. 24. For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen?
25. But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
26. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.
27. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
28. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

I know that not everyone gets the "giving up something for Lent" thing. But when those who have given up chocolate take that first Easter bite, they will be getting a little taste of the kingdom. Many of our churches give up the word "Alleluia" for Lent. The first time it falls from our lips on Easter morning, we will almost be able to taste it. How sweet it is to have a great big belly laugh when hearing a story from the life of someone whose death you have been mourning. I know I am a sinner saved by God's incredible love and grace. Knowing that I am a sinner makes the grace and love of God seem all that more wonderful.

It is not a mistake that the scriptures use the image of a woman giving birth as an illustration of the resurrection and the coming of the kingdom. The curse has become a vehicle to usher in the most blessed of blessings!


Upon finishing Lexi's shower gift, I wrapped it in layers of cardboard and marked it with her name. When we moved to England, it was put, with most of our other possessions, in my parents attic. Three cheers for my sister Emmy who hunted the attic for it. Three cheers for my mom who thought it would be fun to leave it in the cardboard as "ghetto wrapping paper." Three cheers for Lexi and Tim who did have a baby shower a few weeks ago. It means so much to me that a little bit of me, it the form of paper and ink, was able to be there to share the celebration.


~"As you entered this life, I pray you depart, with a wrinkled face and a brand new heart"~